The Monster Within.

The day I discovered that the world is a better place with forgiveness and loved ones by your side, oh the tranquility is something else!

Thanks to a friend, it was really an eye opener. At that time all I could offer was just consolation, advising her the best way I deemed fit. I was as a matter of fact preaching water and drinking wine. I should have remembered the old adage “let go and let God”,we actually become slaves of our own selves resulting to bondage, bitterness and eventually miss on the important things in life. Have you ever felt like this? If yes, read on.

Let me share what my friend told me to shed light on what I am about to tell you. She had a baby and some weeks later she realized she was pregnant. All a long she had mixed feelings, one moment she was happy, the other sad and did not want to see her son. She would cry for no apparent reason. This is not split personality disorder I am taking about, No, not at all. She had this awkward thought of harming her baby, many a times she would pick the pillow with an intention of putting on the sons mouth to hash him forever! The weird thoughts were intense. One day one of her friends shared with her what she was going through. That is when she realized she was not alone in this path

Postpartum depression is something that most women go through and do not talk about it. It can drive you insane! When she shared with me, I realised it happened to me too without realising it. I was left alone at home with my daughter when she was barely three months old. My older sister had just gotten married and my younger brother had joined college, it was just the two of us, my daughter and I. She had severe colic that worsened at night. She would sometimes sleep past four in the morning. I was soon turning into a zombie. I was literally morphed into a moody, angry person. I was tired to say the least. I could only sleep for two to three hours. This worsened things. I would feel overwhelmed. I cursed myself a lot blaming myself for things I knew I would change not. I felt my baby did not deserve having a mother like me. Sometimes she would cry and I would try to calm her down to no avail, I would literally scold her. I would get easily irritated and angry. I did not know I was slowly dying inside.

I was one sad person. Being an introvert worsens the situation as you bottle up issues. I would miss my mum at such moments. She would have been a great support system. What worsened it was the fact that  I was going to raise her alone. That was the life I lived till I got a chance to leave home to go further my studies. The change of environment did me good. I met new people and reconnected with old friends. This helped me a great deal in coming out of depression. I accepted the fact that I was the only person my daughter had,she needed me alive not dead. I resolved to live for us and to let the past not judge my present nor future. 

I am still work in progress, still learning new things to be a better mom to my kids. It happened with my second born too but I thank God I had a great support system. I would avoid people and would even lie to avoid meeting people. I liked my company the most. The only people I interacted with were my siblings. So I embarked on a journey to reconnect with the old me, it’s not easy either as I was angry and bitter. This actually made me to be locked out in important events. I am not hoping to turn into an extrovert, but looking forward to be a better sister, mum, wife,friend, colleague etc. 

I am letting go, and letting God. Thanking God for this far. Without Him, I would not be where I am today. Learn to forgive, allow God to heal your broken heart. 
To the world, be more accommodating. You do not know what print you are leaving in someone’s life, do not be an agent of malice, discord and contention, spread good cheer and use your energy to change someones life. Make them a better person. To you who was judged for getting pregnant in your father’s house, get up and dust yourself. Learn from your mistakes and strive to be a better version of yourself. Let your life not be dictated by your past mistakes. An open slate is before you, write your wrongs, write your future. It is only a fool who slides on his muck!
Let us love one another, support whenever you can. You never know whose heart you will touch by a noble act of kindness. Don’t be quick to judge. Let us go out of our way to plant a seed of happiness, love…cheers! Happy Madaraka Day. God bless

Emma Henrys
+ posts

I am a HR enthusiast, a wife, mother of three who has a keen interest in writing.

2 thoughts on “The Monster Within.

  • June 1, 2017 at 6:47 pm
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    Ur scripts are really a lesson Emma, thanks n God bless u

    Reply
    • June 1, 2017 at 9:37 pm
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      Thank you dear. God bless.

      Reply

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